Nor Heaven or Hell
by infinitekitten
Summary: My name is Katherine Rose Singer. Bobby saved me when I was just a baby, he took me in and gave me a family. Then I met Sam, he changed my life in a million ways my first friend, my first love. Then he was gone. He left me to go off to college but he left one thing and that one thing changed my everything. Slightly AU.
1. Chapter 1

**So this is my newest story. I've gotten really into Supernatural so i decided to write a story. I hope you enjoy it. I don't own Supernatural.**

_THEN_

_2001_

"_I'm leaving tonight" I turn and face Sam, tears in my eyes. He was going to Stanford tonight. He just turned 18 and he is ready to leave his father and brother, and start his own life. He is asking me to go with him. Sam Winchester, my first friend, my boyfriend, my first love. _

"_You can't ask me to leave my life behind Sam" I say angrily. He takes my hands into his, I look down at them. My hands are so much smaller than his. "Katie please, I love you and I can't leave you behind, my dad basically threw me out, you should have seen him. he flipped out, you're all I have."_

_He takes my face in his soft but firm hands, I lift my eyes to his. His hazel eyes glisten with unshed tears. I he looks into my eyes searching for my answer, an answer I can't give him. I already know I can't go. "You're asking me to leave my dad sham and I'm all he has" I say sadly._

_He looks at me with utter sadness knowing that I have made up my mind. I know that I can still try to change his. "Sam if you love me please don't go" the tears I've been holding back start to fall. He shakes his head slowly, "Katie," he says with sorrow in his voice. _

"_I can't stay." I close my eyes and let the tears fall, I pull away from him "Then you don't love me." I start to walk away from him. he grabs my wrist and pulls me toward him. "Katherine Rose Singer, I love you more than anything, from the moment we met when we were kids, I love you so much it hurts" he says tears flooding his eyes._

_I lean in and kiss him with my all. "I love you too Samuel Winchester, remember forever" I whisper. I kiss him again and he pulls away, "Forever" he says. He pulls me into a deep kiss fueled by our love, it starts off slow then turns desperate. He lays me on my bed and presses his body to mine._

_Only our clothes separate us, he reaches for the bottom of my shirt and looks me in the eyes for approval. We've been together for about six years but we've never really done that, the farthest we've gone was kissing and heavy petting. I've never felt ready to do that in a way, but tonight I'm ready._

"_Can I?" he asks, I bit my lip, my heart is beating so hard in my chest I feel like it's going to explode. I nod slowly, and soon enough nothing is keeping us apart._

* * *

><p><em>I awake with a smile on my face as the memories from last night reappear. "Well that was fun, right Sam?" I turn and see that Sam is gone. My smile fades, I look around my room. "Sam?" I say aloud, from the corner of my eye I spot a piece of paper laying on my drawer.<em>

_I pick it up and see Sam's handwriting, a simple I'M SORRY, is on the paper. Tears flood my eyes, and I let out a sob. I gave it up to him and he just left. I feel used, dirty. I run into my bathroom and into the shower. I turn the water up to hot and try to scrub the feeling away._

_My heart is in pieces, I sit on the shower floor, water falling down on my sobbing figure. I spent my whole life chasing Sam and I finally got him, my daddy warned me not to fall for him but I did. He was right. "Screw you Sam Winchester" I sob out._

_A Few Months Later_

_I left home. It has been a hectic since Sam left me. He left behind a broken heart and a baby. I found out a couple months ago I was pregnant. I can't even bring myself to tell my dad, he would be so disappointed in me. I'm only 18, I told him I wanted to learn more about myself and I left._

_He reluctantly agreed and let me go, I haven't seen him in so long. I call him every day and tell him how I am, but it's always a lie. I am not okay, I'm far from it. The baby is due in a month and I don't know what to do._

_The baby, My baby, Our baby. I tried to reach Sam but I couldn't, he changed his number. I don't know how I'm going to tell my dad or if I'm ever going to see him again. I don't even know if I'm ever going to see Sam again. _

_One Month Later_

_"You need to breathe Katherine" the nurse says to me, I can't breathe it hurts. Everything hurts. "Now push Katherine" she says and I do. "Good, Good! It's a boy!" the nurse shouts in glee. Tears fall from my eyes as the nurse places the small bundle in my arms. "What are you going to name the little angel?" she asks._

_I stare at the little baby wrapped in this blue blanket. He opens his little eyes and stares at me in wonder. He has Sam's eyes. "Miss?" the nurse questions me, I stare at her. "His name is Robert John Winchester" I say quietly, "What a beautiful name, can I ask why" she asks. "Well Robert is my daddy's name and John after my ex boyfriend's dad's name" I say._

_"Well welcome to the world Robert" she says and walks away. I look down at my baby boy and smile, "You hear that Robbie, welcome to the world" I say and kiss his head. "I love you" I whisper._


	2. Chapter 2

**I do not own Supernatural. Katherine's face claim is Barbara Palvin. **

This is in between Sin City and Bedtime Stories.

_Now_

_2007_

"Daddy I'm fine really" I say into the phone. "Are ya sure pumpkin?" he asks, I let out a laugh "Yes daddy, I'm fine" I say with a smile. "Is that grandpa?! " I turn and see Robbie staring at me with his huge hazel eyes excitedly. "Yes it is" I say, he smiles, "Can I talk to him? Please?" he says with a happy smile. I nod and hand him the phone.

I told my dad about Robbie a year after he was born. I was in a hard place and I needed somewhere to stay. He knows Sam is his father but he promised me he'd keep it to himself. "Grandpa are you coming over for my birthday?" Robbie asks. He's turning six.

I walk away from Robbie and start to tidy up the kitchen of my two room apartment. I listen to Robbie talk to my dad and sigh. I know that my dad can't make it this year, he's been so busy lately and he won't tell me why.

I feel a tug on my shirt and see Robbie behind me handing me the phone. For an almost six year old he is pretty tall. I take the phone from him, "Hey dad" I say. "Baby girl, did you salt every entrance." He asks me. "Yes I did and I'm stocked up on all hunting supplies" I say. He lets out a low sigh, "Don't go looking for trouble you hear me girl" he says. I let out a snort, "Wouldn't dream of it dad, I love you" I say.

"I love you too" I hang up the phone and sigh. I left the life of hunting when I got pregnant with Robbie. There are times when things do find us and I take care of them but I never intentionally go looking for it. I want to keep Robbie out of that life, out of my old life.

I look at the clock and see it is nine o'clock, "Robbie baby it's lights off now" I say walking to the front door I draw a salt line and go to check on the one on the window ceil. It's still intact; I hear the sound of something drop. I turn and follow the sound into Robbie's room, "Baby what's wrong?" I enter the room and see Robbie, but he's not alone.

Robbie turns and sees me; he looks at me with scared eyes. "Mommy" he runs to me, I look at the stranger. His eyes flick black, "Little Miss Kitty, my my my have we grown." He says walking toward me, I push Robbie behind me. "And that must be Robert, boy does that little boy have a warrant out for him" the demon says smiling.

I look at him confused, but I shake it off. I reach into my boot and pull out my knife, I fling it at the demons shoulder and grab Robbie and run. The demon screams in pain, I run into my room and lock the door. I hear Robbie whimpering, I kneel and look at him. His eyes wide in panic, I grab his shoulders. "Baby listen to me okay, you take my phone and you run okay and you don't stop" I say tears in my eyes.

He shakes his head and cries out no. I shake my head firmly, "Baby you got to be a big boy and listen to me, I love you okay" I push my phone into his hands. "You call grandpa okay baby, I love you" I open my closet and grab my favorite knife, the one Sam gave me years ago. I hand it to my son, he takes it with shaky hands. I open the trap door at the bottom of my closet, and I push him toward it. He looks at me with sad eyes, "Momma no" he says tears falling from his eyes. I kiss his forehead and push him into the door.

I lock the trap door and the closet, I turn and see the demon standing there. "How sweet, Momma bear protecting her cub" he smirks and flings the knife I threw at him at me. It lands in my thigh, I scream in pain and rip the knife out. I hold the bloody knife in my hand, "Screw you." I scream and run at him.

Bobby POV

"Bobby are you listening to me?" I turn and look at Dean. I sigh, "Yes, I'm listening ya idjit" I say annoyed, Sam lets out a laugh and I scowl. Whenever I look at Sam all I can see is Robbie and that makes me mad. When I found out about my grandson I had half the nerve to beat Sam to a pulp.

"Like I wa-" my phone starts to ring. I look and see it is Katie, I answer it I turn away from the boys. "Hey baby girl, what's up I just finished talking to you an hour ago?" I say worried. "Grandpa?" I hear little Robbie's voice. I start to panic, "Robbie?! Where's your mom?" I say worried. I hear him sniffle, "Mommy's with a bad man grandpa, she told me to run, I don't know where I am" he says through tears.

"You stay put boy ya hear me, I'm coming to get you" I say. "Grandpa I'm scared" he says, my heart drops. Katie would never just leave her boy, something bad really happened. "I'm coming don't worry boy" I say and hang up. I start for my car keys in a panic, the boys start to follow me.

"Bobby what's wrong?" Sam asks worried. "Was that Katie?" Dean says concerned, I sigh "I'll explain later, I just need to find him" I say resoluteness. "Him?" Sam asks, I look at him angrily "My grandson ya idjit , so stop asking dumb questions and lets go" I say irritated.

I start my car and pray that Robbie's okay.

Robbie POV

My mommy's hurt, I can just feel it. Grandpa said to stay right here and wait for him. I hid mommy's knife in my boot sweater so no one can see it. It's dark and I'm scared, I'm in the park near my school. Mommy always takes me here to have fun, I sit on the swing and wait.

I miss my mommy. I see my grandpa's car and I run to it, I see my grandpa running toward me. "Grandpa!" I shout and hug him, he holds on to me tight. I'm okay now my grandpa's here he's going to protect me.

I let go and look at the two tall boys behind grandpa. I look at them angrily, they don't feel bad. But I don't like strangers. "Let's get you out of here boy" grandpa says. I look at him feeling sad, "What about mommy?" I ask. "These boys are going to find her okay" he says and I nod.

Katherine POV

Everything hurts, I just exorcised that demon ass wipe. He got me good, my let is bleeding like crazy and my side is sliced up too. I feel like I'm going to pass out, hopefully my dad found Robbie and took him to his house. I drag my body to my bathroom, I don't make it far. My body is starting to shut down.

I hear pounding at my door and someone shouting my name. "I'm in here!" I shout back then cough up blood. I silently curse, the door opens and I turn and see Dean followed by Sam. I try to stand up but I can't, Sam walks toward me. He reaches me and inspects my wounds, I glare at him.

I look to Dean completely ignoring Sam, "Is Robbie okay? Did my daddy find him?" I ask blood dripping from my mouth. "Shit Kate, you're not looking to good" Dean says, I let out a chuckle. "No shit" I say and start to black out. "We need to take you to a hospital" Sam says, I look at him annoyed. "No, No hospital… take m-me t-to my d-dad's" I say and everything turns black.

Sam POV

We end up taking her to the hospital against her orders. I can't believe it. She's right here in front of me, I haven't seen her since I left. She looks so peaceful in her hospital bed, she's been asleep for hours. When we got her here we got some questionable looks, she lost so much blood.

I can't look at her and not think of what we could have been. Even when I was with Jess I still thought about Kate. No I can't she has a son. A son that hasn't left her side since we brought her in, I wonder where his dad is. If he's in her life, if she's married.

Katherine POV

I feel like crap. I don't want to even open my eyes, but I do. "Mommy?" I turn and see Robbie, tears come to my eyes. "Oh baby" I gasp in pain as he throws himself on me, "Be careful Rob your mom's hurt" I turn and see my dad. "Daddy" I say he walks toward me and hugs me. "You scared me girl, I thought I lost ya" he say.

I let out a laugh, "I'm sorry" I say. He looks at me with watery eyes, "You best be". "That bastard got me good" I inspect my bandages, "I got him in the end". "Who was that mommy?" Robbie asks, I sigh "No one good".

I try to get up off the bed, "What are you doing?" my dad asks. I grab my clothes, "Checking myself out, I hate hospitals" I say. "No you're not" I hear someone say from the door way, I turn and see Dean, Sam's brother and one of my best friends. "Hey Dean" I say, he smiles at me and hugs me. "I mean it though Kate you're not leaving" he says.

I raise my eyebrow at him, "Fine I'll stay" I say and sit back on the bed. Robbie sits next to me, Dean looks at Robbie then to me with a questioning eye. "Hey dad can you take Robbie back to your place" I say, I hear Robbie start to protest but I just give him a warning look. My dad nods and Robbie follows him, they close the door behind them.

Dean looks at me and sighs, "So where's your brother?" I say quietly. He looks at the door, "He went to got search your apartment". I nod and lay down, "So when were you planning on telling me?" Dean says. I look at him with fake confusion, "What are you talking about?" I say questioningly.

"About Robbie, my nephew?" he says angrily. I sigh and look at him, "Dean I d-" "You kept this from me, from Sam. When were you planning to tell Sammy that he has a kid?" he shouts at me. I look at him my eyes narrow, "You have no right to shout at me Dean Winchester, you abandoned me just like your brother. You both left me, I tried to call Sam and he never answered and you and John were all over the place!"

Dean looks at me sadly, "I'm sorry" he says and I shrug. "It doesn't matter you all made your decisions, and he's not Sam's son, he's my son, I've been there next to him all his life, when he is sick I'm the one there nursing him back to health. He is my son." I say firmly.


	3. Chapter 3

**I don't own Supernatural and I tried looking for a kid to be Robbie's face claim and who better than Colin Ford, I mean he did play a young Sam Winchester. So I think he fits perfectly, unless ya'll have someone else in mind? Well review, favorite and follow. Check out my polyvore for outfits and stuff .**

Dean spends so much time with Robbie and Robbie has come to love him dearly. He even started calling him uncle Dean. I don't know how I feel about it, all Robbie's life it's just been me and my dad, I don't know how to feel about Dean joining the picture. I love him to death but danger always seems to follow him.

Dean tells me that Robbie also talks to Sam. That he looks up to Sam, sometimes Robbie even talks about Sam. That I can't handle, I want to cry when Dean tells me how Robbie thinks Sam is cool or how smart he is because I know that already. I fell in love with that moron and sometimes it still hurts to talk about him.

Today I am leaving the hospital, I haven't seen Sam once. Dean visited every day, so did my dad and Robbie. Since there was a demon attack at my house I refuse to go back, I feel like Robbie would be safer living with me and my dad. I am going to do my best to protect him.

I already packed all my stuff up now I'm just waiting for someone to pick me up. "Kate" I turn and see Sam standing by the door in the hospital room. I guess he's here to pick me up; I grab my stuff and walk past him. I'm so mad that they sent him here; dad knows how much I hate him.

"Kate wait!" Sam shouts at me and my heart just sinks a little, he used to call me Katie, he never called me Kate. I spin around "What?!" I shout at him annoyed, he looks at me taken back. Sorrow in his eyes, "I get that my dad just wants me to talk to you but to be honest Sam I don't want to talk, I just want to go home, so let's go" I say angrily. He nods and leads me to one of my dad's old beat up trucks.

The drive is completely silent and I am thankful for that. We reach the dirt road junkyard leading to my dad's house, haven't been here in a long time. After I left I didn't want to come back it would bring back too many memories and yet here I am.

I exit the car and walk up to the old houses door and knock. It's Dean who opens the door, he smiles down at me and I give him a glare. I walk past him into the house; it's just the way it was before I left. "Mommy!" I turn and see Robbie running toward me with a huge smile on his face.

I let out a laugh and hug him tight, "Hey Rob" I say smiling as I kiss his head. "Mommy you missed it, uncle Dean was teaching me how to play poker!" Robbie squeals happily. I narrow my eyes at Dean and he shrugs, "The kid is a natural" he says with a self satisfied smirk. I roll my eyes, "That's because I'm his mom" I say. Dean lets out a bark of laughter and I snort.

"Hey I'm pretty hip, right Robbie?" I ask my almost six year old son. He shakes his head rapidly, "No mom you're old" he says giggling I fake a gasp. "How could you I thought I was your favorite" I say in pretend shock. Robbie laughs, "No Sam's my favorite" he says and runs out of my arms into Sam's. Sam's face changes from sullen to happy in seconds.

He looks a lot happier then he did when I first saw him today. So I decide to just give him his time with Robbie, I'm still contemplating whether or not to tell him that Robbie is his son. I know he has the right to know, I'm just scared that if I tell him he'll leave and leave Robbie heartbroken and I don't want that.

I leave the living room and head up stairs; I follow the familiar hallway and end up in front of the door of my old room. I take a deep shaky breath, I slowly grip the door handle and open the door. My heart stops when the door opens, it reveals a big lavender room with dark furniture. The walls have dark painted trees, and it looks exactly how I left it.

I let out a soft sigh and walk into the room. I notice that Robbie's stuff is in my room, I guess he's been staying in here. I run my fingers across my old bed as I walk by, old memories start to resurface. I shake my head and let out a small laugh. "It looks the same" I turn and see Dean, I nod "Ya it does, exactly, except for all the new little boy things" I say with a smile.

He walks from the door way into the room and sits on the bed. "So Robbie's been taking a liking to Sam, he really looks up to him" Dean says. I sigh and sit down next to him I don't have any words, I knew this would happen, it's hard to not fall in love with Sam, his personality is just so magnetic.

"I need to tell you something and I know you're not going to like it and before I say it I had to do it" Dean says sadly. I turn to Dean feeling downright confused, "What is it?" I ask feeling scared for the answer. "A while back Sammy got really hurt and he didn't make it, so I, um I made a deal," my heart sinks into my stomach.

"No Dean" I say tears coming to my eyes, he sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "I couldn't just let him die Kate, I need him" he says deadpanned. I know truly nothing would have stopped Dean from doing what he did.

"How long?" I ask apprehensively, "A year" I start to break down. Tears run down my face, I've known Dean my whole life. He has been like an older brother to me, whenever I was hurt he would help me and when I was sad he would cheer me up.

"I have a couple of months left and I just want you to know that I love you Katie and I need you to take care of Sam" he says. I look at himpensively, "Dean I know it Sam being safe and happy means a lot to you and I'll try my best but I still resent him" I say gravely.

"He hurt me, hurt me so bad that to this day I still can't trust anyone, I had nobody when I needed somebody the most, I had to raise a kid Dean, I kept thinking to myself what if one day I wake up and I can't do it anymore, what if I can't keep him safe, I'm not like you or my dad or John or even Sam, I'm not strong" I wipe the stray tears on my cheek.

Dean wraps me up in his arms and holds me tight, "You don't have to be strong, you just got to fight Kate and that's what you are, a fighter, if anyone can get through all this shit it's you" he says reassuringly. I smile and suddenly I don't feel so alone anymore.

Dean lets go of me and I hear the pitter patter of tiny feet. "Mom!" I hear Robbie shout with giggles, I turn and look at the door and see Robbie holding Sam's hand. They look so alike it's scary, the same eyes, the same hair color and even the same smile. The only thing that is mine is, his nose, he doesn't have my wavy auburn hair or my grey blue eyes.

Other than that he really does look like Sam's kid and I know that Sam is smart enough to figure that out. I let out a sigh, I need to tell him and soon I just don't know when would be the good time. "Hey Robbie, why don't we get ready for a nap?" I ask him. He shakes his head rapidly, "I don't want to nap, daddy tell her I don't have too" he says.

I stare at Robbie in shock so does Sam, "What did you say?" I ask him quietly. Robbie looks at me with shy eyes, "Well I don't have a daddy and I was just thinking maybe Sam can be my daddy, he looks like a daddy" Robbie says. Sam looks down at Robbie with sad eyes, "Robbie, um I'm not sure I can be your dad, um you already have a dad" Sam says.

My heart is beating a million beats per second, "No I don't, mommy said my daddy left a long time ago and never came back" Robbie says with tears in his eyes. I walk up to Robbie and grab his hand, "Come here" I say gently and I pull him to the far corner of my room away from Sam and Dean.

I kneel down to his level and look him "Hey baby don't cry" I hug him tight. "It's okay, baby you got me honey pie" I whisper into his ear as I stroke his soft brown hair. "How come I don't have a daddy mommy? I though all kids have dads, where's mine?" he says sadly.

"Sweetie not all little boys have daddies but that doesn't mean anything, you still got me" I say with a small smile. He looks at me with his big puppy dog eyes, "I love you momma" he says and kisses my cheek, "I love you more" I say, "Noooo I love you the most" he says with a giggle. I let out a chuckle, "And I love you the mostest" I say.

**Sam POV**

Katie talks to Robbie in hushes whispers, I sigh. She makes an amazing mother and Robbie is a good kid. I was a bit surprised when Robbie asked me to be his dad and I was even more surprised to learn he doesn't have a dad. "Sam!" I shake myself from my thoughts and see Robbie running toward me, he grabs my hand and looks up at me with his big eyes.

"Will you play with me?" he asks and I don't have the heart to say no, so I nod. He drags me out of the room and down the stairs. We end up outside in the salvage yard, Robbie giggles and runs off to an old black 1969 Camaro.

Ever since he got here, he's been obsessed with this car. "When I get older I'm gonna fix this car" he says rubbing his hand on the hood. I smile at the young kid, he reminds me so much of Katie it's almost sad. He has her ambition and the fire in his eyes that she has. Robbie jumps into the car and pats the passenger seat and motions me to sit next to him.

I sit next to him in this old beat up Camaro and just watch him play pretend. It make me so happy to see how innocent this kid is. He didn't have to grow up like all of us, he didn't have to hunt things and live in a nightmare, and he has a normal life.

We sit in this car for what seems like hours. Robbie tells me about his life, he tells me that he's going to be six in three days and how Bobby always comes for his birthdays. I wonder why Bobby never mentioned Robbie. "Robs its bed time bub!" I hear Katie shout.

She walks over to the car and smiles down at us. "But mom, just a few more minutes please" he begs and she laughs, "No sir, off you go" she says. Robbie sighs and hops out of the car and runs back into the house. Katie takes a seat next to me , surprised I turn and look at her.

"Dad said we can't go back" she says quietly, her eyes watering. "I tried my best to keep him away from this life and I screwed up, I thought I could handle it, I thought if I stayed away nothing would come looking for us, god I was so stupid to think we could be safe" she says sadly.

"Kate loo-""Sam stop calling me Kate for the love of God" she says cutting me off. A small smile forms on my face, "What do you want me to call you?" I ask her, she looks at me with a small and kind smile. "You know I thought when I saw you again I was going to kick your ass for leaving me," she lets out a breath.

"But I can't find it in myself to even yell at you, you hurt me Sam and I guess I'm kind of over it but it still hurts sometimes. I felt used Sam, I felt pathetic but I guess I'm okay now. So for now call me Katie like everyone else." She stands up and walks away from me, "Good night Sam" and with that she's gone.


End file.
